17 September 2015

Birthday treats



I can't believe how quickly my birthday has come around this year - it's crazy to think that it is September already. It seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating my 26th with friends and family in my back garden. 

Since we are desperately trying to save all the money we can for our house move I suggested a low key birthday this year.  I just wanted the day off work in all honesty! 

It kicked off to a great start, breakfast and a cup of tea in bed (nothing beats it). Then, as tradition goes, I donned my dressing gown and slippers and opened my cards and pressies in the living room. I always want to open them in bed but hubby insists on the living room. We always decorate it for eachother's birthdays - balloons, confetti and banners everywhere - so I supposed it makes sense to make use of it. 



I wanted to have a little mooch around London so we hopped on the train and completely underestimated the cost of a travel card (£21 each off peak!).  Over the last few years we have been slowly moving further and further away from London and so visiting the city is more of a big deal to us (and more expensive).  

So anyway, after watching the latest 'Night at the Museum' film we've both wanted to go to the British Museum (where the film is set), so that's what we did! It is only a short walk from Euston Station so we were there in no time. The building is really spectacular and oh my god, so big! It took us hours to go round the whole place making sure we didn't miss any rooms, we even had to have a break mid way through to rest our feet and refuel. The museum is really spectacular and is full of basically everything that makes up the history of mankind. 

I always wish I had taken more photos but I just never remember to whip out my camera and to be honest, I would rather enjoy the moment and take everything in than spend the whole time looking through a lens. I particularly wanted to snap a shot of the museum's spectacular exterior.  Really crazy to see such a beautiful building that looked like it belonged in ancient Greece sitting in the middle of a bustling London street. But it was tipping it down when we left and we were just too focused on making it to the tube station to stop.

We were absolutely starving when we finished making our way round the endless rooms at the museum and were about to keel over so we got the tube to Covent Garden and headed straight for Pizza Express (my fav!).  I think it must have been because I have been eating so healthy recently and have barely touched bread that my pizza tasted god damn amazeballs. It was the best pizza I've ever had I think!  All this stupid healthy eating is really making me appreciate the taste of the food I've been missing that I would have totally taken for granted before. I even had a sneaky Peroni with my meal.. shhh!

After a day spent running through the rain we were desperate to get into some dry clothes and rest our feet so we went home before rush hour hit, changed into our cozy's and watched a film. A perfect end to a perfect day.


Oh, and no birthday is complete without Colin the Caterpillar!

xxx

14 September 2015

Healthy beginnings


Back in January I wrote this post detailing my resolutions for the year. The first and most important promise was to look after my health. I have always been a bit relaxed when it comes to my health and well being. I have never had any real problems so could never grasp the importance of being aware of the state of my body. 

One of the biggest changes I have made this year is my diet. I have always been one of those really lucky and probably really annoying people that have been able to eat and eat and eat and not put on a single pound.  I took advantage of this and ate so much junk food but when I turned 18 and started uni it started to catch up with me. I slowly put on a few pounds and to be honest, I was loving it! I always wanted to gain a little weight as being a stick thin rake just wasn't attractive to me.  However, I made a promise to myself that if I ever got to a point that I felt just a little bit uncomfortable in a bikini, I would stop living the good life and start watching what I ate. 

Sadly, that time has come.

The final push that led me to my new healthy eating was a conversation I had a few weeks ago when we were sorting out our new life insurance policy with our mortgage advisor. He asked me what I currently weighed, to which I sheepishly obliged to answer. I couldn't stop myself asking him what I answered to the same question two years ago. When he told me I weighed 9 lbs lighter back then I was a little shocked.  I know that doesn't sound like much to a lot of people but to me, someone who struggled to gain a single pound for the majority of her life, it felt like a bombshell. 

I never really thought that we ate that badly. I have always cooked every dinner from scratch and avoided too many take aways and pizzas, We ate okay (so I thought). But it wasn't until I became a little obsessed with analyzing what it was I was cooking and eating that I realised it was all the little hidden ingredients and things I wouldn't even think twice about scoffing at my desk that were doing the real damage. It was that pot of cream and the block of cheddar cheese I used to make my pasta bake and the daily packet of crisps, oh and not forgetting the endless amounts of coke we got through on a weekly basis. 

I had heard so much about the in-laws' massive weight loss on the Slimming World diet and so asked for their advice.  They gave us all the information we would need in the form of about a million books. We read into this diet and it did sound pretty straight forward and made so much sense. Basically just making sure that you ate a very simple mixed balanced diet. As we started on this 'diet' and were counting 'syns' here there and everywhere we became a little frustrated. I don't enjoy counting and weighing and measuring each and every little thing I consume and so this element of the diet annoyed me. I decided we were going to take the concept of this new way of eating and forget about the minor details.

It really is just a few little changes that make the most difference. I don't want to drastically lose 10lbs in a week. I plan to adopt this new healthy eating way of life, being conscious of what I eat and limiting myself to just a couple of treats a day.  Hopefully I will be my desired weight by our next summer holiday. Plenty of time! 

xxx


10 September 2015

Happiness


You may remember a post I wrote a while ago about a book I read which changed my outlook on life and helped me out of quite a dark place. A place that I have never really talked about on this blog before. Probably because I want to fill it with uplifting, happy, fluffy things, but what I went through was life and a very common struggle for a lot of us. I am pleased to say that my new positive outlook hasn't faltered and I am currently in a very content happy place. A stark contrast to what I was feeling back then and I just can't believe how far I have come.

I am going to talk about 'that time' but I am not going to fill this post with everything that happened to cause me to feel the way I did and I am not going to go into every little detailed symptom I felt. I want to talk about what helped pull me through, one thing person in particular. This is a story of happiness, not sadness after all.

When I think back to how I used to feel at my worst, I shudder. I was being sucked in to this downward spiral of negativity and not even the closest people to me could help bring me out. Unfortunately depression is something only the sufferer can fix and only at the point when they realize what it is and admit defeat. All it takes is that tiny piece of willingness to do something about it, to pick up the phone and ask for help.

I also look back at that time with fresh new eyes.  I still see myself scrunched up in a ball on the sofa not wanting to move for anything, or to utter a single word. But as I look back now, I also see that man in the background.  The man who never got frustrated at my silence, who never got tired of my despondence, who never stopped trying to lift me up even when there was no hope. 

Living with me must have felt like living alone. I was an empty shell who wasn't communicating in any way. He probably dreaded coming home, and I don't blame him, but he never let it show. He was so strong and although it probably didn't seem like it then I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful for everything he did for me because without him I don't think I would have been able to pick myself up and get myself some help. He simply understood. And that is exactly what I needed.

I also feel a huge amount of guilt that I put him through such misery. It can't have been easy for him to see me so unhappy and feel completely helpless. He is the sort of person who would help anyone who needed it, and to feel like he couldn't do anything to help me must have been difficult.

I want him to know that he did help me. Just by being there and by showing me that he understood helped me immensely. He also took control of all the housework and cooking, something I couldn't possibly think of doing. Then when I started to get a little better, and came round to the idea of leaving the house he took me to the places he knew I loved. He motivated me to get out, sometimes just for a little walk for some fresh air. He escalated my recovery by being his silly self and making me laugh when I had a little dip and simply offering to cook if I had a bad day.

People suffering with a mental illness such as depression will often hear things like 'just pull yourself together' or 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'. A lot of people just don't understand what depression is. They think that if they cannot see any physical symptoms then there nothing is wrong . They will say 'Oh yeah I felt depressed before', when really they were just sad or a bit blue. Depressed is a word that gets thrown around way too often.  If you haven't experienced it, you will never truly know how it feels.  

If you are struggling with a mental illness, however severe, it is so important to have someone in your life that just understands. You don't need them to do anything, you just need to know someone can relate to what you are going through, someone who can totally comprehend that it is an illness, a disease and not something you can just switch off.

I have never had a problem with talking about my experience with depression. It is something that I am actually quite thankful for. Without going through it all, without feeling as bad as I did I wouldn't appreciate the way I feel today. I have learnt to find happiness in the smallest of things, just being able to wake up in the morning and get out of bed is one of them! I have been brought to a place where two years ago I never thought I would be. Not just content but extremely happy. I am also so much more aware of my thoughts and feelings.  I can recognize those dangerously negative ones a mile off and I can now stop them dead in their tracks. I don't think I ever felt this way even before my depression so I am thankful that what I went through helped me in more ways I could ever imagine.

I was lucky enough to have someone in my life that gave me his full support and stuck by me through the really rough days, someone to give me that little push I needed to finally admit defeat, stand up and do something about it, myself. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as I am and the whole stigma surrounding mental illness needs to end. This may be something I delve into a little deeper in a separate post but simply put, it is not okay.

I wasn't intending this post to be so long but it seems as though I have more to say on the subject than I first thought!  


08 September 2015

Winter 'firsts'

This morning was a morning of 'firsts'.

I woke up feeling tired instead of refreshed. It was noticeably darker outside. Too dark to do my make up properly. I wore a jumper and put on a coat. I felt a chill when I left the house. I saw my breath as I closed the front door. I used my headlights. I turned the car heater to the 'foot' option. I got stuck in all the back to school traffic.

Looks like Autumn is on its way!

06 September 2015

One of those days..

As soon as September arrived last week it felt like summer had officially ended and autumn had set in.  Temperatures plummeted and the rain arrived. I made peace with the fact that we haven't really had a proper Summer this year (when do we ever get one of those in the UK) and have started to look forward to Autumn. We lit our first fire the other day and I even unearthed my boots, jumpers and coats in anticipation!

But today was one of those days. After a week of crappy, miserable rain and cold you give up hope only for the sun to suddenly come out in full force. We tried to make the most of it so popped into Tring for a little coffee date in the sun. You just never know when we will get another day like today. Especially one on a weekend when we are both off work together!

Just half an hour of complete peace and quiet in the gorgeous Tring Memorial Garden was all we needed to get our fix of sunshine (and coffee).



However, as much as I love the sun, I wish it would make up its mind. It is so difficult to know how to dress for this weird extreme weather. I am secretly wishing for Autumn so I can commit to jumpers, jeans and boots.

xxx

04 September 2015

Moving house is a bitch!

People have always said to me 'moving house is one of the most stressful things you will do'. I always thought they were wrong. Moving into our current home was an absolute breeze, but that was because we were first time buyers and were moving from a rented flat. But now I know exactly what they meant. Selling a house is the most stressful thing you will do!

Oh dear god, it is so much worse when you have a property to sell. You start thinking about chains, about what kind of buyer you want to attract.  You have to think long and hard about offers that come in making sure not to pounce at the first bite. Then when you have the perfect buyer for your property (full asking price, first time buyers) they pull out of the sale at the last minute leaving you at square one!

That's not all. As the process starts to come to and end and you box up your whole home in anticipation of that call to say you have exchanged, life likes to throw in another curve ball just to make things interesting.  You are stuck in a limbo stage not knowing what is going on, panicking because the house you are buying has been relisted, panicking that someone could potentially pull out of the chain, panicking that at the very last moment it could all fall through. 

And that is where we currently are with our house sale.  In limbo. We have a house full of packed boxes with hardly anywhere to move.  Just waiting for the call.  And this is where we have been for the last 3 weeks. When will it end?

ARGHHH

xxx

03 September 2015

A little hiatus

It has been just about 4 months since my last post and I am coming back feeling very refreshed.  I took a little break to gain a some breathing space in my life. Blogging slowly became something I never really intended it to - a chore.  It no longer felt like a hobby to me so I pulled the plug.

If you are a fellow blogger you must already know, it's so easy to become obsessed with stats, so easy to compare your blog with much bigger very successful ones and with all the advice out there on how to make blogging into a business it's hard not to get sucked in.

I am coming back to a much calmer, more relaxed way of blogging - much like how it was in the beginning. There will be no scheduled posts, probably no consistent blog series and a lot less stress!

I'm not going to be fixated on my blog stats, I won't even look at them! I don't care how many people are reading my blog, I am writing for ME.  This is something I want to look back on over the years with fondness and laugh (or cry) at my memories.


A few snaps from my Instagram feed - just to fill in on those missing 4 months. 
As well as giving blogging a break, I also minimized the amount of time I gave to social media so I haven't documented too much in all honesty. Mostly just pictures of the cats and my little Reggie. 
But over the last summer I have:

Grown my hair quite long
Then cut my hair really short
Taken a few (not enough) country walks
Sold our house
Bought a new house!
Done a little upcycling
Started making digital prints
...only to give it up a couple of months later
Helped my Mum start up a little Etsy shop Laura's Love Letters
Had a fancy night out at Luton Hoo Hotel
Packed... a lot! (house move is imminent!)
Met the Gruffalo at Wendover Woods
Had loads of Reggie cuddles
Gave up on the British Summer weather
Desperately longed for a holiday abroad by the sea
Caught up with long lost friends and family

I'm not really sure what's to come, 
I'm winging it - without a plan.

xxx